Loss
What do you do when loss brings you to tears?
Miriam and I have been watching the M.A.S.H. series on Netflix. In season 8, Radar gets sent home due to the death of Uncle Ed. The episode deals with the intersection of loss and joy. By then end, Miriam and I were pretty shook up so we took some time to process the emotions together. Why would we be shaken by a character on a show going home?
Loss takes on a ton of forms.
*There is the loss of family. While all loss hits hard, a parent losing a child and a child losing a parent hits hardest.
*There is the loss of relationship. Divorce, betrayal, slowly drifting apart from those you love hurts.
*There is the loss of a dream. When you conclude that your life must move in a new direction, that can cause pain.
*There is the loss of connection. When transitions in life separate us from everything we know, that can cause pain.
Miriam and I have experienced loss. The really weird part is that it has been a decision that we made that caused the loss. Now at 53 we are rebuilding our lives one relationship at a time.
Regardless of the type of loss, it is the work of rebuilding that is most difficult. What will Christmas, birthdays and vacations look like moving forward? Is it okay to feel joy and happiness in those moments? How can I move forward in life when the rhythms and relationships that once held me firm are shattered?
Maybe the trap in loss is connected to our attempt to move forward too quickly. Healing can only take place at the speed of time and healing usually takes more time than we expected or desire.
Our own personal loss is rooted in our passion for Christ and His Church. We stepped away from the denomination that molded our lives. People have accused us of being mad, bitter or resentful. We are not those things. We are heartbroken. We see what can be for the church when so many seem content with so much less. Instead of standing inside an organizational system we chose to stand outside organizational systems and speak to what we see. That approach makes you unpopular. My personality profile makes that painful. I deeply feel the loss.
So we are taking steps every day. What steps do we take?
*we seek to listen to the people who have no interest in attending a campus church. They are sharing with us their passion for God outside of what they view are corrupt systems.
*we seek to learn how to tell a story about God that connects to people who can’t find pathways to connect to how God’s story is currently being told.
*we give ourselves permission to experience joy in new ways. We seek to create new rhythms in life. We seek new partnerships and pathways for the gospel.
*we resist pessimism and animosity at every turn and continue to believe that God has a plan for his Bride, the Church. We believe that God is reshaping her, refining her, correcting her…all while doing the same to us.
*we ask the Holy Spirit to heal our hearts through loving others. The best healing I have found comes from loving others who are hurting.
I want to close this by asking anyone who is struggling with loss in a way that impacts daily living to begin by talking to a friend and then a counselor. There are times when loss strikes so deeply that we need professional assistance to help us navigate that loss. Please call someone today.