A Year From Nazarene

A Year From Nazarene

It is been a year since I met with my DS and he decided it best to keep my credential that I placed on the table. What did I experience and learn over the past year? (For the sake of transparency, let me make that first sentence clearer…I met with the DS for lunch in Callahan. I handed him my Credential and told him that doing so would make it less uncomfortable if he would need to request I surrender it at the end of our meeting. He did decide to keep it and requested that I take time to make sure that the path I was on was the one that I really wanted to take and that he would not do anything with it until we talked further. He gave me more than enough time, offering to meet with me again later. However, it was not more than a day or two and I told him I would not change my mind and that he should go ahead and consider my credential surrendered, or whatever the official Manual term would be for this situation.)

“Why ya mad bro?”

There was the crowd that thought I was acting out of anger. I didn’t expect that but I should have. I was operating out of enormous grief, not anger. I was 52 years Nazarene. It was part of my identity. I was broken, heartbroken, grieved. I was anything but angry.

“I am disappointed in you.”

There was a large group that was disappointed in me. As an enneagram 3, this was most difficult for me. I care about my reputation and this decision hurt my reputation in the eyes of people I really care about. The vast majority of people in this group were kind but their disappointment hit hard.

“I feel the same way!”

I received a lot more phone calls and emails than I expected from those who agreed with everything I wrote. In fact, this was the largest, albeit quiet, group. However, even though the majority who reached out to me felt the same way, there were three reactions…

First, they felt led by God to stay Nazarene and try to work to change a system that I believe doesn’t want to change. It is too costly.

Second, they felt like they should reposition themselves to advance God’s Kingdom but struggled with the timing, cost or sacrifice.

Third, there are those preparing to reposition. One I talked to already has. Others are still counting the cost.

While people dealt with me then quickly moved on, I was also dealing with me. My whole identity, my friendships, and my life experiences were all shaped by the Church of the Nazarene. You don’t just step away from that unaffected and dealing with the impact takes time.

I had to deal with the disappointment.

I had to deal with the cold shoulder.

I had to deal with being ignored.

I had to deal with phone calls / texts no longer being returned.

I had to deal with changed rhythms in life.

I had to deal with lost support systems.

Now all of that could make me mad or I could choose to allow Christ to recreate me. He has recreated me and continues to recreate me…hopefully into a better reflection of the Messiah, whom I serve.

As I look back at the trajectory of the denomination I left, I see less hope for systemic change. While I still care deeply for her and my friends who still serve there, I have to do what God calls me to do. I have been repositioned for a different work. Despite all I experienced, I have a ton of optimism for Christ’s Church!

I have no clue what God ultimately has in mind. He hasn’t told me. I have no delusion of grandeur as I am nothing in the grand scheme of things. I live in a small town, serving people in a small town. My impact is small but I hope it changes eternity.

Oh, and I have one thing I don’t know I ever had - peace. There is no striving. There is no reputation to manage. There is no mental turmoil wondering who I inadvertently offended today. I lost all that and I don’t want it back.

I enjoy living in the realm of God’s grace, responding to the daily direction of the Spirit. I enjoy watching and listening to what God would have me do in the moment. I enjoy hearing testimonies of how lives are being changed by God’s grace. I love hearing students say, “This would never happen in the church I attend on Sunday.” I love watching God do what only He can do.

I am excited for what God wants to do through His Church, not the one that meets in a building on Sunday although I hope He includes that one. I am taking about His bride, the ones that have surrendered their lives to Him, the ones who own nothing because God uses it all for His glory and Kingdom. I am excited for how God is going to use those folks. The future of God’s Kingdom is bright, unthreatened, unwavering, exciting. I want to be a part of what He has in mind.

Today I return to my classroom to get ready for the Class of 2025. While I cannot share the gospel in my classroom, I can live out the mystery that is Christ in me, the hope of glory. I can explore the mystery of living with peace as an American in a changing world. I can explore what it means to love unconditionally and value every human being. I can give students a glimpse of what a life of wonder, joy and childlike exploration in the Kingdom of God is like. We will play in the metaphorical mud, splash in the puddles, look at the sky and see how wonderful it all can be. I pray that my life will be peculiar and that after graduation their curiosity will open the door for me to share why I think Jesus is awesome and worthy of my worship. Regardless, I love this life and today is in His hands.

Now it is time to go back to campus.