Finding Peace with Failure

What do you do when you have a dream and fail to see it become a reality?

On April 1, 2015 I accepted a new pastor position. My first Sunday was Easter and I was overcome with a clear call and a clear vision for what I believed God wanted to accomplish. I had been given a clear, compelling and urgent charge from the board. I was ready. 

Six years later I wondered if my time was up and then I got several “no” votes from the church board to renew my call and the writing was on the wall. I had failed to accomplish what I thought God had called me there to do. I went on a Sabbatical to separate myself from the pain and to gain perspective but at the end of that time, the question of whether I should stay or start something new had been answered. 

What do you do with failure?

  1. You separate failed strategies from failure as a person. You are not a failure just because the dreams you had did not come to pass. Never equate failed strategies or unrealized dreams with who you are as a person.

  2. You heal. Facing failed strategies usually involves personal pain. In order to move forward you must experience personal, physical, spiritual and emotional healing. Leading into the future with unresolved pain is a failed experience preparing to become a catastrophe. You must experience ongoing healing. So seek professional counseling, talk to a trusted friend, eat healthy, sleep well and exercise.

  3. You admit your culpability. Every person who has failed has been at least partially responsible for that failure. Blaming others is not the healthy path forward. The truth is that our failure often has a negative impact on the people we have led. This reality can serve our healing and the sooner we own this truth, the better off we will be in the long run.

  4. You learn. When we have healed we can look back and see where we went wrong. After a year of healing I wish I knew seven years ago what I know now. I would have led much differently. Failure presents deep learning opportunities.

  5. You celebrate what was accomplished. Failing can blind us to what positive impact we had in a context. Failure is never comprehensive. (Neither is success by the way.) You need to identify and celebrate the wonderful impact you had in people’s lives. What you did well mattered.

While this is by no means an exhaustive list, if you have experienced failure I hope this helps you in your faith and leadership journey.