What Am I?
I am at a season in life when labels fail me. While I know who I am and whose I am, I struggle to know what I am.
In the last 18 months I have been a custodian, sewer technician, Amazon driver
/ trainer, teacher and pastor. Currently I go to Hilliard Middle/Senior High School every weekday where I teach Seniors Government and Economics. I am also a pastor trying to launch a “Book of Acts” way of being the church. It is in the church where labels fail me.
There are not many pastors doing what we are doing here. Those that are ahead of me are pretty tapped out on time. When I gather with other pastors, the conversations they are having are not the ones I am experiencing. When I speak to followers of Jesus, there is often a “that’s nice” reaction. This isn’t anyone’s fault. It just is my reality.
All this has caused me to ask if the label “Pastor” is my label. Very little of what I have known of the local church applies to my life. The metrics I have used no longer apply. The things that occupy the time of most pastors does not apply. Almost nothing of what I have known that has made me a pastor is left standing. So I am left here scratching my head wondering, “What am I?” Am I a pastor who is a teacher? Am I a teacher who is a pastor? Am I one and not the other? Am I something altogether different?
What if the truth lies deeper? What if there is a contentment that can be found in a relational space? I believe I have discovered there is a label that runs deep.
I am a child of God. Period.
No, it doesn’t end the ongoing struggle and I am not ignoring the struggle. However, the declaration that what I am is deeper than the label I am searching for gives me time and space to figure it out without rushing. I can journey in this space with contentment and confidence that He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion. (Philippians 1:6)
I don’t know what you are. I barely know what I am! However, I do know that down in the deep place that matters most, you and I are children of God. I think that is pretty awesome and for today, that is enough.